recent thoughts, i

there is a joy in being able to work on individual tasks properly. without noise buzzing around in the mind and other tasks slowly mounting behind, the mind can flow like water in a stream, and each job can be given due time for development and materialisation. it is luxurious indeed – after 24 weeks of rigid timeframes where sometimes nothing proper ends up being done, after the last week’s time stretched rubber-thin for moving-in preparation, work commitments, tuitions, final year projects – this week time has slowed down to a peaceful ebb, that i will only concentrate on the commitments at hand and not take on anymore…that i can dictate time at my own pace, at least for this while.

it’s a quiet struggle writing still, always, no doubt, taking hours to write mere paragraphs, the ideas still not water, but glimpses of balloons drifting past an open windowsill. the thoughts swirl in my head, stories that could be voiced out, but vanish once my fingers hover over the keyboard. yet i know this is blood.

moving in and creating a new start is truly something special. there is enough of us to permeate this beautiful house with life, and enough space between family for retreat and privacy, and i absolutely love looking through the blinds from my permanent spot (already), both the softened sun and moonbeams filtering through to a space i can finally call my own. there is nothing more befitting of moving home then with a full family, filling up a room self-designed and customized, wearing a shirt that smells like comfort and love.

that i can play the xx on repeat on speakers every minute of wakefulness – heck, that i can shower and dance and sing to the xx and other songs playing in the room! that i can do pirouettes and chaînés and silly moves across the smooth floor in privacy or lie down and just listen to the xx. and the xx – amazing how it’s still playing on repeat, these few bands (the xx, MONSTER CAT, feist, florence + the machine) have been my lifeline for many months and im still far from being sick of them. and the xx – still, and always…

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